Love On A Timeline

Time is a loving theme. I was chatting to a family member after one of our ceremonies, and she was sharing how it had taken her years to make sense of something and to learn how to speak up for herself. She shared,

‘Why has it taken me X number of years to work this out?’

I replied,

‘You can’t measure this in time. Try and be kind to yourself, as the loving thing is you have worked it out now.’

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I called a lady to make an appointment to go and visit her so we could gently talk about a funeral ceremony. She is struggling under the weight of unimaginable grief and our funeral arranger had already done a loving job of preparing this lady for my call. She answered the phone,

‘Ahh, Jane, thank you for calling. Could I have tomorrow off from thinking about anything to do with the funeral? Are you free to come and see me the day after?’

My reply was ‘Yes, of course.’

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I sat with a lovely gentleman and his daughter one evening as we chatted about his wife’s forthcoming funeral ceremony at the end of this month.

‘February is going to be a long month.’

As he said these words, his face was painted with grief, and I put my notepad down.

I feel it is not my place to tell anyone how to feel or what they ought to be doing, but in that split second, I sensed he had a deep need to be understood, so I started to talk,

‘You know when a new building is going up, they put thick plastic over the openings where the windows are going to be? Grief is like a huge hole that has been blown through the plastic, leaving the tattered edges blowing in the wind. The fluttering is the sound of fear, the plastic pieces make no sense, and it’s cold. You stand scared and broken, trying to find anything familiar that serves as a comfort.’

I reached out to hold his hand.

‘Over the grace of time, comfort will come in strands and over more time, the strands will weave into something different. For now, hearts that understand will reach out to touch yours.’

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Tim has been pondering how the phases of life are extending as we live longer, are healthier, and are working for longer.

In his early twenties, Tim had a regular Friday morning slot on a local radio station and first thing he would ring in with a micro comedy sketch he had created with a work colleague. He would have the radio presenter in stitches of laughter with his different names, accents and outlandish stories. He’d even give the presenter different middle names, like ‘Horatio’ or ‘Buttercup’, and over the months, their shared banter flowed together as these few moments on a Friday morning became more polished.

Another work colleague would record them on a tape cassette, and as technology advanced, he transferred them onto CDs. When Tim and I tried to listen to them a few years ago, they had degraded and were so unclear we had to give up. As a wedding present, Tim’s workmate, who used to co-write these sketches, re-recorded them for us and gifted us a complete set.

As I travel home from services and family meetings, I gain much comfort in hearing my husband, in the first flush of his twenties, full of life, creativity, imagination and confidence, being his lovely best.

Time disappears as I laugh and giggle on my journeys and return to open our front door, calling out to Tim and hearing his voice welcoming me home.

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I thought it might be a kind thing to include an excerpt from this week’s Thoughtful Tuesday audio ‘Whispers of Stories’.

My love to you all. Jane x